Does this sound like your house? “Time’s up on the iPad.” “Okay, Mom. Can I have your phone?” I have two children who would spend equal times playing princess apps and dressing up as princesses.
They get it from me. I’m addicted. I don’t watch a lot of television (or at least programming that’s geared for my age group), but I have a very hard time being separated from my phone. I know that, although quite small in size, a cellphone can create a lot of distance between people. Don’t worry, this isn’t a post where I bash technology. I heart technology…just a little too much.
At the Further with Ford event last month, one of the topics of discussion was wellness and how technology affects our health and relationships. One presenter, Sherry Turkle, spoke of how technology, specifically social media, allows us to sacrifice conversation for connectivity. She shared a photo of her own teenagers, hanging out together. Each had a phone in their hands and was paying no attention to the others in the room.
Ekk! Is this my fate? That’s not the quality time I want with my family! Will my techies turn into teenagers who can’t communicate without a screen? I decided I needed to model some separation. Here are three mid-year resolutions to disconnect in an effort to reconnect:
- No Work Between 4 and 8 pm: This is family time…that’s it. No emails, no grading. Unfortunately I do have work to do at home some evenings, but it’s going to have to wait until after bedtime stories.
- Unlink Work Email to Smartphone: This tip was shared by Jenny Lykken from Google. If I need to check my email in the evening, I’ll do it from a computer. Having constant notifications chirping distracts me from family time and, honestly, makes me feel guilty for not working. If I respond to that email, I feel guilty for not being 100% dedicated to my family. It’s a no win.
- Delete Distractions: Is Candy Crush making me a better mother or wife? A better or happier version of myself? Nope, it’s just an unnecessary distraction and let’s not forget how darn addictive it is! It’s important for all of us to have time set aside for ourselves, but I don’t want to spend those moments clearing jelly.
These three simple changes will hopefully allow me to be more present and strengthen my relationships with my family. I want to make sure that I’m not missing out on this irreplaceable time. I know that work will get in the way some days and so will my insane desire to know what people I haven’t spoken to in fifteen years are doing. So I’ll planning on reevaluating and continuing to set goals for myself. I’d love to know how all of you do it.
How do you stay connected with your loved ones?
Jenn- The Rebel Chick says
My daughter is older and is pretty good about her use of technology but I see it all the time when were out and about, there is no communication between some people because everyone’s on their phones.
Melanie says
Isn’t it sad? I want to avoid that as much as possible, both in myself and my children.
Marcie W. says
I love the idea of unplugging and understand how hard it can be! We put time limits on the kids’ computer and Nintendo DS time, while also banning any devices from the dinner table.
Melanie says
It’s good for us all to have limits. I like to tell myself I’ll spend XX amount of time checking email. When the time’s up, the time’s up.
HilLesha @To the Motherhood says
I have two sisters that are the same way! Although I have a Smartphone and internet savvy, I’m behind times when it comes to technology. 🙂
Melanie says
You might be better off!
Leilani says
I get pretty annoyed when everyone at the dinner table is on their phone. I just think its so rude. But then again, if I didn’t have kids to tend to I would probably be on my phone, too.
Shell Feis says
I am really trying to focus on unplugging. My son typically only uses the iPad for a little bit in the morning but I definitely check my phone too much. I need to set some real guidelines.
Melanie says
I heard about a hypothetical app that I definitely need. It would have a countdown on the lock screen, say set to 100. Each time you unlock, it counts down. It’d make me think about how often I check it.
Mellisa says
This is a great post and I think all of us need a little reminder to unplug.
Melanie says
Thanks! It’s important to keep priorities in check.
Anne - Mommy Has to Work says
My daughter stole my tablet and takes my phone whenever she can!!
We like to go on walks and go to the parks together.
Melanie says
Sounds like she has pretty good balance. Way to go, Anne!
LyndaS says
Those are good tips. I have not been disciplined enough about staying connected. I hope that when school gets back that I can concentrate more on work while the little one is away and then I can focus more on family after 3 pm.
Melanie says
It’s a balancing act, for sure. It’s the ideal situation to remain family-focused during the evening, but not always possible.
Jai says
I have the same problem, where I’m always in front of some sort of device. I have to even admit that sometimes I send emails to loved ones….who are in the next room.
Melanie says
Ha! I love that! It’s so something I would do!
Penelope (NYC Blogger) says
I tried it today, but well, minimized anyway. I am too connected to the wrong things sometimes.
Melanie says
Baby steps…it’s probably the way to go.
Kelly @ A Girl Worth Saving says
I force myself to stay offline from 4 – 8. Sadly, it’s pretty tough.
Melanie says
I hear you. I have a hard time, mostly because I feel like it’s just going to be one minute. But the minute here and there are adding up.
Meghan @JaMonkey says
The work email is a good one. I need to set Internet cut offs too.
Melanie says
Thanks. It really spoke to me and I knew it would be an important one for me.
Lolo says
We set limits for my son, but I really need to set better ones for myself.
Melanie says
I feel the same way. It’s a great time for modeling.
Rachel @ Following In My Shoes says
My husband and I have been very, very conscious of the need to “unplug” lately — we so easily get sucked in that we miss so much in our evenings.
Ty @ Mama of 3 Munchkins says
My husband and I was just talking about unplugging the other day, we decided that between certain hours we’re going to have family time or free-free instead.
Jennifer @ The Quirky Momma says
I do not have a problem disconnecting myself at all, but my children definitely do. My oldest – 18 – is staring at his phone constantly. He is texting his girlfriend. watching YouTube, Reddit, etc. It drives me crazy! For fall we have a new rule, all phones in a lock box until homework, chores, dinner and clean up are complete–that goes for Daddy, too.
Emily @FamilyNLifeLV says
I love that! I need to disconnect more often!
stefanie says
It is so hard to disconnect. Some parents use technology as babysitters. The kids need to get outdoors and be active instead.
Elaina- @atimeout4mommy says
I totally agree with this! It is important sometimes to unplug and spend some quality family time together!
Robin Gagnon {Mom Foodie} says
I am very mindful of this since my daughter uses her iPad in her therapies as well as for educational games, and a tablet as a communication device.
Jenn says
Ouch. You’ve inspired me to delete my Farmville account.
Toni says
These are great tips!! I need to do something like no electronic gadgets (besides tv) after 6 for us.
Kathleen says
This has been a big focus in our home this year. That is a big part of the reason I made the step to take the boys on the 50 day camping road trip this summer, because it felt so good to unplug for the most part, and reconnect with each other as a family.
Angela says
I am very mindful of this with tweens/teens in the house. It’s so easy for kids to get sucked in and hooked on games.
courtney says
We love to go for walks and shopping together – I really hate technology at times.
Jennifer says
Vacation is a great way to reconnect. Make a no technology during certain hour rule and just be with the one’s you love.
Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell says
Candy Crush was taking over my life and it was getting crazy. I finally deleted it from phone and FB in the middle of playing at like 3am one day. Best thing I ever did.
Vanessa: thequeenofswag says
I totally agree. I was disconnected and off the social media this past week and I was so relaxed and got to connect with my family and get my life back so to speak. I’m now making it a goal to spend less time online and on gadgets.
Donna says
We’ve been playing Settlers of Catan (a board game that is very addictive itself) a lot and unplugging. It takes at least 90 minutes on average to play a game, and we have been playing it 2-3 times a day for the last 3 days. 🙂
Tammy says
We have a strict no technology policy when we’re on vacation (besides when actually traveling to the destination). Everything gets unplugged and for that week (or two) we concentrate purely on enjoying ourselves without the distractions of iPods, phones and Game Boys!