I’ve been pondering writing about this for a long while, pretty much since I started my blog. Not very many people know, but I am an egg donor. I will be writing about my journey in coming to my decision and pretty much be opening up my life to you. I know not everyone will understand and agree with my decisions and that is completely fine. I understand why I made the decisions I did and I can only hope that you will be understanding of my decisions.
When I was very young I was told by a doctor that I would never have children. I was young and really didn’t understand so I didn’t know to ask questions. So, I spent some of my teenage years wondering why I couldn’t have children. Wondering why God would be so mean to me and not allow me to have children. But now that I see the big picture, I see that he was molding me to have a heart for those who will and have been told the same thing I was told.
If you’ve never experienced infertility or been told that you can not have children, then you simply can not understand the effects that news will bring you. For most of us, we dream of getting married and having children. I know there are some exceptions but for the most part that is the case. One day you find your prince charming, you get married and have children. What happens when that fairytale is just that…a fairytale?
As most of you know, I have 3 wonderful children. The doctor was wrong and looking back I can’t believe all the pain and suffering that guy put me through. I was only 18 years old with no concept of infertility. But yet, I was told I couldn’t have children. What is crazy about this whole incident is I was told I couldn’t have children because I wasn’t having a normal monthly cycle. After doing hours and hours and hours of research, seeking information from women who actually were suffering from infertility, reading everything I could get my hands on, I realize what an idiot that doctor really is. I did have cycles, just not “regular” or the normal 28 days like most women. The doctor did no testing, nothing! Just told me I couldn’t have children.
After I found my prince charming and we got married, I would see pregnant women in the mall or grocery store and literally fall apart. I longed to be pregnant, to have the big belly, to feel the baby moving inside of me. And much to my surprise, I was pregnant. No doctors, no needles, no drugs…but I was pregnant. I’ll never forget that feeling of seeing those 2 blue lines staring at me. For years I thought I couldn’t have children, that I would have to adopt or just be childless and now I’m staring at a pregnancy test that I just peed on and it’s positive! I remember thinking how can this be? How can I really be pregnant? I remember sitting on the floor in my bathroom just crying, so thankful that I was pregnant.
And then it felt as if someone had flipped a switch and my happiness turned into fear.
I remembered those doctors words that I couldn’t have children and it felt like someone had put a knife straight into my heart. I remember thinking that surely something would happen and I’d lose the baby. I wasn’t even supposed to be pregnant anyway. I called my husband and my mom, excited and terrified. Ryan said he already knew because he had been craving the Ocean Water drink from Sonic. Not sure what that had to do with anything, but he said he knew. My mom was excited and they both tried to calm my fears. I’ll just say, I couldn’t quit worrying until I held that baby in my arms. Today, she is a wonderful, bright little girl that brings me so much joy. Her smile will light up a room and her heart is bigger than words.
Because this journey was not an easy one for me, I will be writing several different posts that led me to make my decision to be an egg donor. I hope you’ll read and maybe even be inspired. I’m so thankful for the journey, even the heartbreak and disappointment because I feel like I can connect with these families because of my experience.
Rhonda says
I am so thankful you are writing this. i have always felt really guilty that I become pregnant so easily when other women struggle. Look forward to reading about this!
Rachel says
I can’t wait to read the rest of this series. I wish doctors would quit being so hasty to throw out such a definitive prognosis …ESPECIALLY without definitive proof. I received this same news at 19… one of the worst days of my life…which led to some of the worst decisions of my life. BUT looking back, I know that God was extending a gift and grace that I couldnt understand at the time. If he hadn’t given me that gift of temporary infertility, we would not have gone through adoption. I can’t imagine not being Ellie’s mother.
LindsayDianne says
Thanks so much for sharing. I saw your tweet about this post and I just had to see what made you decide to do that. You’re doing something great for people who really want kids. Good for you! 🙂
Cat Davis says
I can’t even begin to imagine how heart breaking that news must have been for you but I can definitely remember the excitement of a positive pregnancy test. While I’d likely never consider donating my eggs, I can’t wait to hear more about why you do.
Shasta says
Thanks so much for sharing! I can’t wait to read more!
Kate @ The Shopping Mama says
Crystal, I’m so glad you’re writing about this topic. I really look forward to learning more about the process and your decisions along the way.
Tamara B. says
Wow, this is amazing I had never heard of this and what a wonderful person you are! Thank-you for sharing and hopefull this will get other women interested in doing the same thing. I would but had to have a hysterectomy a couple of years ago.
Lisa L says
Thank you for sharing..looking forward to reading more
Melanie Bleile says
Thank you for writing this. I’ve had struggles of my own and despite them I have 3 wonderful children too and feel very lucky. My story is a bit different and I have told some of it on my blog. I look forward to reading your posts on this as I have wondered about egg donation myself.
Rebecca W says
How interesting. I can’t wait to read more about your decision! I’m glad you decided to share this with us! You are a blessing in some many peoples lives for doing this.
sheila says
I cannot possibly leave without leaving a comment telling you that you are an extraordinarily beautiful person.
:o)
Linda Kish says
When I was 25 the doctor told me if I wanted kids, I would have to get pregnant withing the year. I had endometriosis and adhesions and blocked tube. Since I was alone, I didn’t do anything. When I married at 32, I miscarried. I got pregnant again at 34 and had high risk pregnancy and complications. Then I lost another at 37. My son was small but perfect. He is now 26 and a wonderful adult. I can see why you chose to be an egg donor. Good for you.
Jen says
This is beautiful Crystal. Thank you for sharing, I look forward to the rest of the stories. It is amazing and sad how drs and other authority figures can throw out such blanket statements as reality and not realize the life-long effect they have on people. I am glad that the dr was wrong and inspired that you have turned this into something beautiful.
Lorie Shewbridge says
Crystal, I am so happy you decided to share your story. You are SUCH a generous person with so much love to give, that anyone would be so lucky to receive such a wonderous gift from you. I cannot wait to read more from you. I am so lucky to have you as a friend.
Don’t you worry about any nay-sayers if there are any, you and Ryan know that you did what was best for you, your family and the very lucky people you gave to.
karissa says
Wow. Thanks for sharing. I will be reading all of the posts for sure! I’ve thought about it too, but got back and forth on the subject!
Stephanie Hodges says
I look forward to hearing more about your journey. I’m sorry you had to go through all that pain and hurt from the doctor. I wish doctors would be more cautious and gentle on such subjects. I pondered and looked into being an egg donor but I don’t think I would qualify through the screenings due to family history etc. But it takes alot of strength and courage to do what you are doing for others. 🙂
Crystal says
Awww, y’all are so great! Thank you so much for all your kind words.
Lori Z. says
Very curious to hear more about the process. Sort of like a pre-stages Juno? Good luck.
Lindsey@Kindred Spirit Mommy says
I’ve never considered this, but I would never think bad of anyone who did it! Just think of the people you’re blessing. I knew a woman who adopted four children (that she loved to death) but always felt very very sad that she couldn’t have her own as well – experience being pregnant, etc.
I think it would be a personal decision and if God led you to it that’s amazing. If you had never had that experience you probably wouldn’t have considered it. I also believe that we go through trials so that we can grow and help others through them.
Looking forward to the rest of your posts!
Brandy says
Wow, I am very glad you wrote this. My sister who just turned 25 was told around age 18 or maybe a little younger that she can not have children. She has an “off” period as well and she has lived her life thinking that she will prove that doctor wrong. What happened with her is the Depo shot, I’ve never taken it but it messed up her cycles.
This story is inspirational in many ways and so happy you shared it with us. You are an amazing person and I am happy to be your virtual friend!
((HUGS))
Katy M says
Wow! Thanks for being open and honest about this!
I’d love to know about how you feel physically during the process. Does it hurt? What do the hormones make you feel like, etc.
Again, thank you!
Bobbie (OneScrappyMom) says
Kuddos to you! I suffered with infertility for years. It took alot to have the 2 blessings I do. Although I don’t think I could be an egg donor, for my own reasons, I commend those of you that can and do and also those sergeant mothers. One can not fully understand the meaning of infertility and the BIG HEARTS it takes to help those struggling with infertility unless they have had some problem of their own. God bless you for making another families dream come true!
Deal-ectible Mom says
Ok on the edge of my seat here, ready to hear more…..
ps…I think your amazing!
Not So Average Mama says
I think you are AWESOME! I was also told I would never have children without fertility drugs. Well, God gave me three awesome girls without any drugs or help.
Chelle says
I think you are very brave for telling everyone your story. I am close to a few people who are having a hard tike trying to conceive. I feel guilty for getting pregnant so fast the first time and am actually putting off trying for my second. Isn’t it sad? And who is to say that I won’t struggle my second time around. I don’t know much about egg donation. Just little blips I have seen here and there on tv or in print. And who knows what is said there actually is true. I am looking forward to reading all that you have to share. 🙂 Hugs!
-Chelle
Virginia from Lady V dZine says
I was told that I would never be able to carry a child to term, because among other things my uterus is abnormally small. After two miscarriages, when I became pregnant with my son, I was TERRIFIED. I delivered my son at 36 weeks, just four weeks shy of full term. Our second child, my daughter, is adopted. I applaud your decision to be an egg donor. Were it not for my daughters birth mother, our family… no, our life would not be complete.
Virginia
http://ladyvdzine.com
Shop with Me Mama says
I love this post, I really do. I have two beautiful, healthy little kids, but I want one more. We have been ttc for almost a year now to no avail. My doctor just referred me to a fertility specialist. I pray I will be pregnant SOON without any help! Great post and I think it is wonderful what you are doing!!!!
Fionen says
I can’t believe your doctor was so stupid.. well, I can believe it because there is an idiot doctor in my town. I wonder how many people he has wrongly diagnosed and possible killed.
Anyway, interesting post and I look forward to what else you have to say on the topic. If I were to donate my eggs I would want a say in who they go to. Just like I would want to pick out the adoptive family if I were giving my baby up.
Jennifer kimberly says
what a beautiful gift to give!
Eryn says
I can not imagine anyone thinking poorly of you for this choice! I know the call that many women have in their heart to have children, & the pain that can come with not being able to answer that call. Good for you 🙂
Eileen says
Wow…this was an eye opener for me. I have never known anyone who actually does this. I was so incredibly lucky to have a bunch of kids…6 to be exact. People thought I was crazy. Someone who came into my work once asked me when I was pregnant if this was my first… I laughed and said NO, my 6th. He said, you know they HAVE something for that dont you? I was appalled! We had planned and hoped for her and to have someone interject their opinions on something like that was maddening. I applaud you for being so giving. I have family members who are infertile and it breaks a heart to watch a couple WANT so badly to become parents, and you just cant even IMAGINE what great parents they would be…but it is not in their reach. If I were younger and I had thought about this seriously, before I got into my forties (my last was born at 39) it is definitely something I would have done. This post made me just want to High Five you!
Crystal says
Thanks everyone! You’re words mean so much {hugs}!
kathy pease says
I think its a beautiful idea to want to give another family happiness..Good for you and have a wonderful new year 🙂
Ps That doctor should lose his damn license what a moron!!
Tenille says
I had absolutely no idea! But this just makes me like you even more. <3