8 Months

Well, y’all. It’s been 8 months since my life changed.

Unless you’ve taken a surrogacy journey you’ll never truly understand what surrogates experience, what they feel and think, how they handle the roller-coaster of emotions, and how they get back to “normal” life once their journey is done.

It may not be hard for everyone, but for me, it was.

At one month, I don’t think I had truly come to terms with my emotions, how I was feeling, and even what was expected of me to fully grasp what had just happened, what I had just accomplished or even what that journey meant for the rest of my life.

At four months I was broken, confused, hurting and an emotional mess.  Looking back, I feel horrible for my husband and children who had to live with me day in and day out. They truly deserve some type of award for being there for me, even when I wasn’t there for them.

I went on this journey because it was not my plan, but that of One greater than I. I’ve learned throughout my life as a Christian that I am not in control. I’ve learned that sometimes we have to do things that aren’t easy. I’ve learned that although at times things seem too difficult to bear, I’ve always make it through. The road might not have been easy, but I made it.

I’ve had to trust Him more during these last 8 months than I’ve had to in my entire life.

Trust that He was still there beside me when I felt so alone.

Trust that He was was listening when I would spend my days and nights crying and begging for peace and comfort.

And here I am, 8 months later.

I’m still here, y’all.  I made it.  It hasn’t been easy. BUT, I MADE IT!

Would I do it all over again knowing how hard it would be? Absolutely!

In the last four months since my last update, I’ve learned a lot about myself.  I’m doing better. I’m enjoying my family. I’m living life.

And this, how could I not be proud to say I’m part of this little guys story?!?

zachary 7 months

How could I have any regrets? Look at the smile. He’s happy. His parents are happy.  And it’s all because of a selfless act of love.

I’m not boasting or bragging at all. Please don’t think that. But what if we were all a little more selfless? Can you imagine how that could change the world? I know not everyone can be a surrogate but there are other ways to spread love and joy to those around us.

I look at the world differently now. People have commented on my strength and how they’ve noticed a change in me.  I’m glad others see the change that I see within myself.  If you experience something as deep as this and come out of it unchanged, I think it was done for all the wrong reasons.  I don’t think it is possible to give so much of yourself and not be changed.

But y’all, I’m so grateful for this change. Four months ago I wouldn’t have been able to say that truthfully, but I can today. My life is fuller, I love more deeply, and I see the world differently.

You can find out more about my surrogacy journey through the links above.


About Crystal

Crystal is Owner & Editor of Simply Being Mommy. She is a work-at-home mom and enjoys being wife and mommy. She loves family, travel, chocolate and Diet Coke.

Comments

  1. 1

    Look at that smile!!! Such a gorgeous little man! Crystal, thank you so much for sharing this journey with us. I can’t even imagine how hard it has been. ((hugs)) you are such an inspiring woman!!

  2. 2

    My favorite post yet by Simply Being Mommy :) Crystal, you are a blessing to many! And WOW, look at this little guy and the JOY all over him!!! Cuteness!

  3. 3

    I can only imagine what you felt. YOu are amazing, strong, and what you did was selfless. And look! You did make it mama. You are an inspirational young woman and should be very proud. He is such a cutie pie!!!

  4. 4

    I can see why you are proud! What an adorable and happy little guy! :)

  5. 5

    It is truly a selfless act! I’m not sure I could do it though..

  6. 6

    Absolutely a selfless act. He is just so precious!

  7. 7

    He is a beautiful baby – his parents are surely blessed. :)

  8. 8

    What a little sweetie! I can understand the pain, even though I’ve never done it, which is actually why I could never do it. You have to be beyond compassionate and strong to do this, and I think my heart would break too much for me to bear. I definitely admire you :)

  9. 9

    Adorable and cute baby.

  10. 10

    I know previous roller coasters you’ve ridden but I didn’t realize the aftermath was just as tough after you gave your beautiful gift of life to that couple. (He is a cherub, by the way.) It really makes me sad that I haven’t seen you in over a year to hear some of these things in person. I miss my dear friend. <—you

  11. 11

    I’m so glad you’re doing better! You gave that family something totally special! I don’t think I would be a good candidate for surrogacy, nor do I think my family or I could handle it. Good for you!

  12. 12

    He’s adorable. And you are strong and I seriously admire you for being strong enough to give the gift of a family to people who wanted one.

  13. 13

    I am so happy to read this update full of growth and positivity! You are an amazing woman and the little man that you helped create is just precious.

  14. 14

    awwww what a handsome lil guy!!!!!! So glad you’re feeling better about it :)

  15. 15

    He sure is a cute little guy. If you didn’t do this that smile wouldn’t be here and that would be a mighty loss.

  16. 16

    Crystal, you are so incredibly strong. I would love to be able to do something like this but my heart just can’t handle all those emotions. He is so absolutely precious! I’m so glad that things are getting easier. :)

  17. 17

    I know the woman who carried my child will be the most amazing angel our life has ever known.
    Methinks you are an angel as well.

  18. 18

    Wow — I knew that there had been some rough patches but I didn’t realize it has been this emotionally hard and draining for you. Big, big, big hugs. I know I would struggle too — I wish I could do it but I don’t think I could. :(

  19. 19

    I am glad you are feeling better about the surrogacy, and you’re right, it is different for everyone. I had no issues whatsoever after my journey past the normal weepy hormones you have for a week or so after giving birth. I waved goodbye to her at the hospital and never looked back. Not because I did it for the wrong reasons, but because she was where she was supposed to be and I was happy for having helped to create a family, and grateful to be part of something so big. `

  20. 20

    Such an adorable baby! I truly admire you for being a surrogate. It’s not something I could see myself doing.

  21. 21

    Look at those adorable two little front teeth!!! He is GORGEOUS!

  22. 22

    Oh Crystal, I am so happy that you are feeling better and more at peace! I can’t imagine what the past 8 months – and the 9 before that – were like for you. You did such an amazing thing, and I am so happy that you are feeling HAPPY again :)

  23. 23

    I’ve always wanted to do this. I can only imagine the emotions and think like you said in order to really know you have to go through it. I’m so glad you are feeling better and what a beautiful baby boy and gift he is.

  24. 24

    He is such an adorable baby!

  25. 25

    So happy to hear that you are doing better! He is such a cutie!

  26. 26

    He is beyond adorable!!! I’m glad you’re doing better.

  27. 27

    I’m so, so glad that you’re feeling better. It doesn’t seem like bragging at all- you did such an amazing thing & words can never explain what a beautiful person you are for helping a family have their beautiful son.

  28. 28

    Thanks for sharing your story and giving us insight into what it’s like to go through a surrogacy. Kudos to you!

  29. 29

    Your selfless act is simply amazing! I honestly don’t think I could do something like that for another person. I’m glad you have shared your story here!

  30. 30

    He is adorable. I’m glad that you are doing okay.

  31. 32

    He’s so precious. I think this is one of my favorite posts yet Crystal. You did such an amazing thing by giving him life.

  32. 33

    He’s so precious. I think this is one of my favorite posts yet Crystal. You did such an amazing thing by giving him life.

  33. 35

    To think that you had a part in this little guy’s life is amazing. To let go and trust in a loving Heavenly Father is something else. I don’t doubt that He knows us each on a very individual and real level and I’m sure it’s been your trust in him and the love of your family that has gotten you through. I truly admire you and love the kind of person you are.

  34. 37

    Wow, look at that smile! You brought a beautiful smile into the world (well, a fourth!)

  35. 39

    Oh man! He is a cutie!

  36. 41

    He is absolutely adorable. You’ve done well to be a part of his little life journey for sure. You’ve richly blessed his parents and yourself.

    Hang in there, it does get easier with time. Time does heal many wounds.

  37. 43

    What an awesome story. Thank you so much for sharing. I have thought many times of becoming a serogate simply because I know the emense joy that having children has brought my husband and I . I can’t imagine how hard it is for someone to not be able to experience that.

  38. 45

    You have much to be proud of with him. You helped him have a life with parents who eagerly awaited his arrival that they couldn’t have had otherwise. You’re a strong loving kind person to do this, and still be willing to do it again.

  39. 47

    Amazing! You are amazing. Thank God that women like you exist and feel the calling to bring life and joy to others.

  40. 49
    karen medlin says:

    You are truly an inspiration! Thank you for taking time to write about your experience being a surrogate. You did something beautiful, you fulfilled someones dream of becoming a parents. Thank You for sharing this beautiful post.

  41. 51

    That is one absolutely gorgeous 8 month old!

    You are amazing. Never forget it.

  42. 53

    every women contemplating surrogacy should read your journey. I used to think it was something i wanted to do when I was younger but knowing who I am today it is not a journey I could survive. Blessing and prayers to you for your sacrifice and for your courage. he’s truly a little blessing.

    • 54

      Thank you, Tricia. It surely isn’t for everyone but I hope more women will see how rewarding the journey is, despite the struggles, and venture out on a journey of their own.

  43. 55

    You did something for another family that not many people could, and for that you deserve admiration. So amazing.

  44. 57

    Such an amazing story every time I read one of your posts. You are such a beautiful young woman!

  45. 59

    So happy to hear that you are coming out on the other side of it and into the sunshine again! What a wonderful update (and adorable picture!)

  46. 61

    What an amazing story to share. While I have never been or used a surrogate, my family didn’t come together in the “traditional” way. On our fertility treatment and adoption journey, I met other moms who chose to go the route of surrogacy, and I know they are in awe of the gift that their surrogates have given them. Much as we are in awe of the gift our kids’ birth mom gave to us.

  47. 63

    I get a little teary-eyed every time I read about your journey, not sadness, but for the enormous amount of joy you have brought to a family. The gift of life is an amazing one to share, and I love what you have done. I just love it. You rock.

  48. 65
    Eileen Richter says:

    I cannot imagine how hard and yet fulfilling this journey had been for you. You have taught your children so much about the different gifts that all people have, but especially how joyful and amazing children are no matter how they come into the world. What a wonderful story to read always.

  49. 67

    I can only imagine what going through this journey must have been like. But know that you are one tough and super strong woman. Besides, look at that amazing smile! It is possible because of your awesome heart. :)

    And yes, the world would be so much better if we were a little bit less selfish.

  50. 69

    I truly can’t imagine all the emotions this journey took you through. You are amazing, he is simply beautiful, and you have blessed a great family with the most selfless gift of all. I am SO proud of you and I always love reading about your surrogacy journey and seeing his pictures!

  51. 71

    How are you doing now?

  52. 73

    Oh he is just to precious! Such a happy baby!

  53. 74

    Wow, what a gift you gave. I can’t think of any greater gift you could give to someone. A lot of people may not have obeyed God’s calling. I know it would have been tough on me to go through with it. God bless you!

  54. 75

    Crystal – Thank you so much for sharing this. I am currently in the beginning stages of becoming a surrogate for a cousin. I have two beautiful children and don’t want any more of my own. I have felt called to be a surrogate for almost a year, and when my cousin’s adoption fell through both I and my husband knew this was it.

    Everyone asks me how I’m going to handle it after the baby is born. I tell them I know I will have troubles post-partum, but I’m sure I’ll get through it. You opened yourself up and shared your hearts pain, and in that gave me a glance of what is to come. I pray that God has healed your heart and made you more than whole. And I pray that he holds me and my family as we go through the same.

    I believe I will be getting pregnant in February 2015 and I hope to bother you if I ever have questions. Take care!

    • 76

      Hi Tanya,

      Thank you for reading my journey! I’m so happy to hear that you will be taking a journey of your own. It truly is a life-changing experience that will fulfill you in more ways than you could imagine. I would love to be able to answer any questions you may have once you begin your journey.

      I’m on the other side now and doing fantastic. The first year was hard, I won’t lie, but I’m better than ever now. I’ve done what I was called to do, I’ve shared my story, and now I’m helping others with theirs. It’s funny how things come full circle.

      Please let me know if you have any questions.

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